When he was a kid playing at a nearby lake, Tim pretended to be a Navy Admiral of the early eighteenth century. A huge fleet under his command was fighting pirate ships. During Winter he would build sailing boats for his toy figures, and in Summer he put them to sea … or lake.

Squirrel like he stored away any walnut in sight. With painstaking care he opened each nut, making sure the shell would stay intact. Those days before Christmas Tim’s mum baked tons of nut-cakes, which were quite popular in the neighborhood. At 14 years of age, Tim decide to actually become a sailor and joined the local sailing club. The age of the nut-cakes ended, leaving a cake-less neighborhood behind.

Having won every title possible as a fresh water sailor, Tim moved on to the high seas at the age of 19. He became possessed by anything that floats. Tim even founded a chain of marinas with a few friends. The marinas were located from northern Maine to the farthest end of Florida. As a reference to his childhood, he called the chain „Walnut’s Marina“. In sailing circles he was referred to as „Mister Walnut“. On his thirty-fifths birthday Tim had become an extremely wealthy man. He sold his company shares to his partners.

Owning a Bermuda-rigged ketch and sailing the seven seas, has been an unfulfilled dream.  Such a yacht was for sale in Denmark. It was equipped with roller furling for all 3 sails, electronic maps, GPS, and autopilot. Tim believed he could easily sail it one-handed. Without thinking twice, Tim flew to Copenhagen, took the train to Fredrikshavn and a ferry to the island Laesoe. The boat needed some repair and had to be moved to a shipyard in Fredrikshavn.

It was end of October already, therefore Tim decided to travel Europe while his yacht received a overhaul till next Spring.

Even though Tim was successful selling his ideas in sports and business, he was a complete failure, when it came to relationships. His friends were more business partners than actual friends. The women in his live always had a purpose for his next economical goal. As soon as one of the ladies became too attached, he kicked her out. „Any partner is expendable“, was his most infamous quote.

As Tim was traveling, he met Andrea in a cafe near St. Stephan’s Cathedral in Vienna. She was in her late twenties, had a Masters degree in Economics and some high seas experiences too. Andrea came from Kiel, Germany. Traveling Europe for 6 months was her idea of celebrating her final exams. A few days after their first encounter, both decided to continue the road trip together.

Tim thought, „this is the most clever and beautiful woman I ever met.“ Her looks had blown him away the first day. In comparison he considered himself to be a troll. When deciding on the next destinations of their travels, Tim agreed to Andrea’s wishes. Even when he did not want to go to a certain place at all cost, he agreed to go there. Tim was puzzled. What had become of him? „I am a poodle,“ was his conclusion. „A poodle who does as his master says.“

For a couple of months Tim felt comfortable in this poodle-identity.

Beginning of April Tim was supposed to be back in Fredrikshavn to check in on his yacht. Andrea invited herself to go with him to Denmark. She even talked about going aboard for an indefinite time. Suddenly Tim got scared. „It is my ship,“ he thought. „I don’t wanna be commanded by anyone on my boat. I am the master of this ship. I am the master of my life!“

At first Tim tried to persuade Andrea to not come aboard as nicely as possible. But Andrea misunderstood Tim’s Poodle identity as loving her. Or maybe Tim did not understand he was loving her. However, none of them addressed their feelings openly. They continued in friendly but opposite persuasions. On platform 6 at Hamburg Mainstation Tim cried out: „Any partner is expendable!“

Tim boarded the train to Fredrikshavn and left a crying Andrea standing on the platform.

Back in Fredrikshavn Tim found the ketch to be beautifully restored. He re-christened her „Ultimate Walnut“. After a few test drives out in the Baltic Sea, Tim left Fredrikshavn April 30. Two weeks later he was ready to make the crossing from Plymouth, South England, to Kennebunkport, Maine, where his parents had moved to. Before sailing the world, he wanted to see mum and dad.

The forecast for next week promised some fair winds, blowing favorable towards Tim’s destination. He calculated up to 3 weeks for the crossing. Stored food and water, which should last up to 5 weeks. And in case the wind failed, there was still the engine. He had high hopes of enjoying the loneliness of the North Atlantic.

The Isles of Scilly where the last rocks, Tim expected to see for two weeks at least. He watched them disappear behind the horizon. When they were no longer imaginable, Tim checked the autopilot and went below deck. In the pantry he opened a can of ravioli and heated it up on the stove. It reminded him of the days of yacht racing, when any kind of food was canned. One thing was different though this time. He had the luxury of heating the ravioli.

The first three days on the Atlantic the ship made good speed at an average of nine knots. The waves were rather shallow, compared to what he has seen on the Atlantic before. Tim emptied his mind completely. Beyond navigation nothing passed his synapses. He only stared into the void.

As Tim was randomly strolling through the unused cabins, he found a package left in a wardrobe. It was firmly packed, looking pretty old. It looked like nobody cared to open it for 10 years at least. A note was written on the envelope: „May the finder of this manual put it to good use. – A friend!“ Tim was curious. But he was afraid of opening it, too. Who was this „friend“ that left this thing behind? What kind of manual could it be? The documents on the ship and every piece of equipment were complete. Except for the electronic navigation tools, he also found maps for the Baltic Sea, North Sea, North Atlantic, and a well maintained sextant in one of the lockers of the owner’s cabin.

Day 4. Night had fallen already. Tim was dosing off after a can of spaghetti and Chianti dinner. As he had not been drinking any alcohol for over a year, he was pretty much loaded after a full bottle of Chianti. In a far background he heard strange noises. It was the radio. A weak, squeezed voice emitted from the radio. „Un..SCRRR…ssel. Co…SCRRR…in!“

Tim slowly raised himself up. He stumbled to the radio and adjusted the frequency. „Unidentified vessel. Come in. …. This is the container ship MSC MARINA. … COME IN!!!!“ Tim had a sour throat as he replied: „MSC Marina, this is the Ultimate Walnut. How can I help you? Over.“ „Are you kidding Ultimate Walnut? Help yourself and change your course 60 degrees to port side. NOW!!! Or we will burry you alive. OVER!!!!“

„Jesus Christ!“ Tim shouted and was sober from one second to the other. He hardly had switched off the autopilot and changed course as directed, when a huge black wall passed within inches of his star board site. The bow wash made the Walnut tipping and skipping like crazy. Tim was scared to death. Wetting his pants. „Thanks for calling, MSC Marina. Thanks for calling. Over.“ „Take my advise and go on a course 10 miles south of these waters. Or you may run in another boat like ours. You are in the middle of a container ship highway, pal. Over and out.“

Tim stood clinched to the rudder for the rest of night. Only by sunrise he dared to switch the autopilot back on and take care of his mishap.

A steaming hot coffee in front of him, Tim opened the mysterious package. It was a New King James Bible. There was a marker in chapter 23 of the book Proverbs. The lines 31 to 35 were marked.

„31Do not look on the wine when it is red, When it sparkles in the cup, When it swirls around smoothly; 32At the last it bites like a serpent, And stings like a viper. 33Your eyes will see strange things, And your heart will utter perverse things. 34Yes, you will be like one who lies down in the midst of the sea, Or like one who lies at the top of the mast, saying: 35’They have struck me, but I was not hurt; They have beaten me, but I did not feel it. When shall I awake, that I may seek another drink?’“

„OK, I get it“, Tim said. „No wine till landfall. Now, unknown friend of mine. What else do you want to tell me?“ Tim walked out on deck. It has been a cold night. The water was steaming. „The Gulf Stream“, Tim thought. „I better go back in and check the radar.“

There was no signal of any ship. He was save for the next hours. Back outside, Tim took a deep breathe. Never before has he been thinking about death. Dying was a so far away concept to him. Until last night, when he realized his own mortality. Life could have ended. „No more me.“ This thought made Tim shiver. „I do not want to die.“ He suddenly could not breathe. It felt like carotids and head were about to explode. Panic was written all over his face. „No more me. … Oh, god! … No more me.“ A sudden splash of water snapped him back into reality. „Salty. Need food.“

After some breakfast Tim spent the next hours scrubbing the deck. Washing the rick. Cleaning the windows. Checking the weather report. Adjusting course and sail setting. Another glance at the radar. There were other ships. None of them on a collision course. So he decided to take a nap, setting the timer of his watch to one hour.

„Where is everybody?“ Tim asked. A guy was sitting in an armchair in the corner of the living room. Looking out through the window, he answered: „Whom did you expect to find?“ „My family. My friends. … Everybody! … Is that you, grandpa? You have been dead for years.“ Outside the window was nothing to see but a desert. „Welcome to my hell, Timmy!“

Tim was screaming, when he opened his eyes.

„Unknown vessel. Come in. This the Maersk Kiel. Come in.“ Tim went to the radio. „This is the Ultimate Walnut. Am I in trouble, Maersk Kiel? Come in.“ „Haha. No sailor, you are not. Just thought you might like a little chat, while we are in radio range. What is your name? How many are there on board? My name is Mikel. Over.“ This guy had a danish accent. „Hi Mikel. My name is Tim. It is just me on this ketch. Over.“ „What in all the gods names are you doing alone out here? Over.“ „Going home to see my parents in Maine. Over.“ „No one else waiting for you? Over.“ „Nope.“ „Scrrrrr….“ „Say again, Mikel.“ „Did not say anything. … This is said, Tim. I am so looking forward to seeing my son and daughter and my awesome wife, when I get home. Being a husband and father is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Gives me meaning in life.“

„Greatest thing ever … meaning in life“ resounded in Tim’s mind for hours after the conversation ended. „What have I got to say about myself? I own a ketch and got enough money to last to the end of my days. … Is this the legacy I would have left behind, haven’t I heard the radio? … Wealthy but dead?! … So, who am I? … Who … am … I?!“ This was disturbing. Tim would not rest that night. Between checking the radar every five minutes and crying „WHO AM I?“ every ten minutes, Tim just stared into the dark ocean ahead. Completely missing out on the beauty of the stars above his head.

His head hurt really bad. All night Tim has been hammering his brain stem, in order to find an answer to this daring question, who he was. Nothing came up, regardless of how hard he tried to think. Out of the blue Tim started to cry. His heart was burning like hell. „Isn’t there anybody who can help me?“ Yammering like a baby, he went out on deck. „Isn’t there ANYBODY?!“

Exhausted from a night of yammering and crying, Tim fell asleep his head resting uncomfortably on the dashboard next to the rudder.

Grandpa was grinning at Tim. „See that desert out there?“ he asked Tim. Tim nodded. „This is my legacy. After your dad was born, I left him and my wife behind. I thought, I would be better of alone. I had but one love. It was my business. See now what I got out of my business success? You still can do better, son.“ Grandpa was actually smiling lovingly.

„But how“, Tim asked himself, „how can I do better, if I have no clue of who I am?“ Tim gazed on the dashboard, as he lifted his head. His neck was sore. He must have been lying there in this unhealthy posture for hours. Suddenly he recognized the Bibel, he had thrown on the dashboard days ago. There was a second marker in it.

Matthew 3: „16When He had been baptized, Jesus came up immediately from the water; and behold, the heavens were opened to Him, and He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting upon Him. 17And suddenly a voice came from heaven, saying, ‚This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.’“

Tim chocked. „I wish my dad would have told me something like it. … ‚my beloved son‘. …Wow!“ He started to cry bitterly. Tim could not remember the last time he had tears in his eyes. He was shocked and tried to stop them, but the tears kept coming. For hours.

The days went on. Most of the time Tim tried not to think about who he was. But when he did, he kept reading Matthew 3:16+17 over and over again. Could this be true? Cold it be true that this Jesus guy was actually the Son of God?

Tim checked his position on the Atlantic. It was the eighth day and he had reached the half way marker. „At least I know, I am a pretty good sailor! Ha-ha-ha!“ It was a dry laugh coming out of his throat. „A wealthy man and a pretty good sailor. Surely THIS is a legacy worthy to be left behind. … I bow my head before myself!“ He shouted out sarcastically.

Since Tim was in the middle of the Atlantic and forgot to bring another book, he continued reading Matthew and stumbled over some verses in chapter 12: „36 But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. 37 For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.“ Tim felt uneasy. So he tried to comfort himself by declaring: „I am a good person. Never did anyone wrong or lied. I am OK!“

Still feeling uneasy Tim intended to rest for another two hours. He was tired enough and crawled into the next bunkbed.

Andrea looked at him with a sad face. „Why didn’t you tell me the truth, how you really felt, when I wanted to come aboard? … How could you leave me on the platform like this?“ When she walked away sobbing, Chris came around the corner. He looked at Tim seriously. „Man, we were the best team out there sailing. We understood each other without words. We would just KNOW each others next move. And you told me, each partner is expandable? Killed me, man. Killed me!“ Tim turned away from Chris and found himself back in the desert. „So you decided to stay with me now, Timmy?“, his grandfather asked with a low voice. Sorrowful he hugged Tim.

„What the hell?!“, Tim yelled rising up to quickly and jamming his head at the top of the bunkbed. The Walnut was dancing like crazy on the waves. Instead of two hours Tim had been sleeping four. The wind had increased badly and the sails required some reefing.

Checking the wind gauge, the wind had increased from a moderate 4 Beaufort to 9. Now that the sails had been reefed, the boat was no longer dancing as hard. However, for the remainder of the storm, Tim had to stay at the rudder. An indicator lamp showed him that the bilge pump was running the whole time. Somewhere had to be a leak, but for now Tim had no option put keeping the ship as steady as possible. He had to wait for the wind to abate, before he could reengage the autopilot and search for the leak. Tim just hoped it would be somewhere above the waterline.

Ten hours later the wind had dropped to an easy 3 Beaufort. Half an hour later the bilge pump stopped. Tim relaxed and started searching the ship for the leak. He uttered a huge sigh of relieve. It was only a broken window in the starboard bow cabin. The window wasn’t fully gone, but cracked bad enough to let significant amounts of water in. Tim had some plywood pieces stored. One was fitting the broken window. He also found a tube of silicone sealing among the plywood. He smeared a generous amount of sealing on the plywood and nailed it over the broken window. „This should do till landfall“, Tim thought. He was exhausted and fell asleep on the dashboard again.

„If I had only returned to my family, before it was to late“, grandfather sighed. „You still have time to make it right with Andrea, son. Don’t miss out. You will regret it the rest of your life.“ „But I do not have her address“, Tim replied. „How can I find her?“ Grandfather patted Tim’s cheek. „You will, son. You will! Now, leave me. I am lost, but you can still be found!“

„I am lost, but you can still be found!“ The sentence resounded in Tim. It reminded him of an old hymn granny used to sing all the time: Amazing Grace. „The Lord has promised good to me,/ His word my hope secures;/ He will my shield and portion be,/ As long as life endures.“ Tim walked out on deck. „OK, God … Jesus“, he whispered, „IF you are for real … I mean, IF you’re really the one described in the Bible, show me … show me what my heart desires! … I give you three days!“

Checking his progress, he found himself just a little more than two days of sailing away from Kennebunkport.

The early morning of the third day Tim saw the light house of Kennebunkport on the horizon rising out of the water. He got to the radio and announced himself to the port authorities. „Could you tell my parents, I will be docking in a few hours?“ „Sure. Will do“, was the harbor master’s quick answer. „Let me have their number.“

At noon Tim cut sails and engaged the engine. When he reached the assigned mooring, mom and dad were waiting already. They waved at him enthusiastically. His dad caught the bow rope and secured it. The harbor master assisted with the stern rope.

Tim jumped off the ship and his dad ran towards him. While hugging and squeezing Tim, his dad said: „I love you, son. Forgive me not saying this earlier.“ Tim cried like never before. This was what his heart had desired all the time: the love of his father. Spoken, not just shown. Teary eyed mom joined in. The harbor master cleared his throat. „Sorry to interrupt you guys. There is some official business to attend.“ Tim wiped some tears away. Nodded. „Yeah, I’m coming.“

Mom and dad waited outside the harbor master’s office. „Let’s go home“, dad said the moment Tim left the office.

The house his parents had bought was beautifully located at the banks of the Kennebunk River. As they pulled into the driveway and continued into the garage, Tim saw the front door of the house open. „Got a guest?“ Tim asked. „Hmm? … Oh, well. Yes“, mom answered mysteriously. Tim pulled his duffel bag off the pick-up truck. When he turned around the corner towards the front door, he dropped his duffel bag. „Now you are showing off, God!“

There was Andrea standing. Her mien was a mix of feeling excited and craven at the same time. Tim walked to her. Slowly. „I am sorry, Andrea.“ Falling on his knees, he stammered: „I … I … I have… I am such an asshole.“ His voice was braking up. Andrea knelt down. Carefully running her hand though his hair, she said with a soft voice: „I doubt that. I could never love an asshole.“

„Come on in, kids!“ Dad was standing at the door and pointing inside.

„How did you get here, Andrea?“ Tim was asking curiously while wiping the last tear away. „After what I said in Hamburg, I thought you would not want to see me again.“ „At first I wouldn’t“, Andrea replied. „But!!!“ She paused dramatically. „But then I visited a girl friend in Copenhagen. Her dad had just return from a journey as captain of a container ship. Mikel told us…“ „Mikel?“, Tim interrupted her. „Mikel, captain of the Maersk Kiel?“ „Yes, the same. … Mikel told us about a strange encounter in the middle of the Atlantic. There was this sad and disturbed young sailor. Single handedly sailing to Maine. To Mikel this sailor seemed to be very disturbed and lonely. He felt pity for him. I asked him, whether the ships name would be something with Walnut, he nodded. So the sailor had to be you. And in my heart I knew that I still loved and needed to find you.“

„Yes, and a week ago in the middle of the night the phone rang“, mom jumped in. „I totally had forgotten of the different time zone“, Andrea laughed. „Well, yes my dear, you had. But the story you had to tell was worth getting up early.“ Mom smiled at Tim. „This is a clever young lady, son. With the few breadcrumbs you had given her, she was able to track us down. We wanted to get to know her and asked her to visit us.“

„There is something I have to do now“, Tim said. „I know son. Mind if I join you?“, dad asked. Both of them walked out to the river. „Dad, I asked God to show himself to me. … And He sure did. I have to give my life to Jesus now.“ Dad smiled lovingly. „Son, I know. He told me so last night, while I was praying for you. … Wanna pray from your heart, or do you want me to guide you?“ Tim hugged his dad. „Got to do this with my own words, dad.“ „Alright, I am here with you.“

Tim plunged face forward into the wet sand of the river bank. Dad kneeled at his right side. „Jesus. I know now, you are for real. … Please forgive me for being a jerk. I couldn’t care less about what you did. All I cared for was me. Me. And me again. … I am ending this today. … I am turning to you now. Show me your way. I wanna follow you, … now and forever! … Amen!“

„Woooooohooooooooo!“ Mom yelled. She and Andrea had sneaked up on them. „John, why don’t you baptize the two lovebirds right here, right now? Andrea gave her life to Jesus last night after all“, Mom asked. „Jenny, you always have the best ideas. … Tim. Andrea. How about it?“ Tim got to his knees, looked at Andrea. Andrea smiled a little uncertain.

„Okay“, Tim breathed a sigh of relief. „Let’s do this.“